In French

I feel like ranting in french today, so I will, but without accents.

Mon Deiu! Aujour'd hui etais horrible. Premierement je suis a un appointment avec une femme dans the writing center, pour aidez moi en un essais. Mais, elle etais un Bitch. (this is not the time to rant in french. I have to do this is english). So first of all she doesn't have any people skills. After reading my essay she straight out said that it sucked and that my teacher was generous in giving me the grade he did and most likely gave it to me because he wants to keep a good relationship with me. What is that suppose to mean anyway? I'm a student he's suppose to grade on me work effort and skill and not in the bedroom. Not to say that I'm sleeping with my teacher. He's gay so it wouldn't help. I did think about it though, but I'm not doing that badly. Then she totally went off on a tangent about the female condition and our sexualization by men or something and I have no idea where she got that. She is psycho. Anyway, then she kept proding me about why me "moment of fascination" had to do with this sexualized child or something odd like that. What does she think I'm going to tell her. I was not going to open up about something so pivotal or tramatic in my life that caused this view of the world (a view which she superimposed into the essay). I don't even have a full time therapist or best friend that who I talk about "pivotal" stuff with, why would I discuss it with a bitter old maid who is stuck teaching freshman to write while getting her Phd or something, and she's not even good at teaching. ARG. So that aside. I don't think I am going to rewrite this essay after all. It is entitled the "Personal Essay" and I don't do personal well, with friends, let alone with strangers, and in the context of an essay that lots of people might read? God no. I discuss personal stuff as fiction, so I can pretend that I dreamed it up or created it from something else. I'm a fiction writing that's what I do. I write fiction, but this is really. Just for verification. This is my personal journal that happens to be online and viewable to the world.

Okay. So what is this about the sexualization of young girls? Um....I don't know. I saw a painting and the subject at first looked really young and sweet and innocent, but after staring at it for an hour, as per the asssignment, she started to look older. I think the teacher wanted it to relate to something in my life, but I wasn't going to pour out my life story to her. Its none of her fucking business. However, I did think of some preposterous ways in which it could relate to my life, but they make me out as some sad sob story or a poor little white girl or whatever. Which I'm not, I've had some struggles, but I'm pretty well off and all, so it fine.
The first related story being my relationship with my father. We have a very good relationship, don't get me wrong, but I didn't know him much at all as a young girl. My earlist memories of my father are either him at the hospital when my sister was born or him lying in bed with the flu or a migraine, with the curtains pulled shut. The memory in the hospital is very faint. I actually remember the chocolate chip cookie that I was eating more accurately than my dad. We walked down a hall and he went in a door to see my mom and my sister (wasn't quite sure about that at the time, but that's another story), and a nurse came and gave my a cookie. I really remember the chocolate and being very excited by it. My dad I remember as the hand I held as I was led down tha hall. When he was sick, I remember having to be very quiet, so as not to distrub him. I also remember wanting to get sick myself so I could lie in bed with daddy, because I never spend much time with him otherwise. He would wake up and leave before I woke up for school and come home after I went to bed and the weekends where spent, um....I actually don't remember. Anyway, he wasn't having an affair or fighting with my mom or anything. He was genuinely working and we could see proof of that every week on TV. He worked on a very popular 90's TV series and if I were to mention it you would be like "OMG, he worked on -----" and then ask a million questions about it and I would be annoyed. So, I will not say what show it was and I will not answer any questions about it. After the show ended and my dad was essentially out of work, we became close. Which is nice because my its like I really have two parents. I'm actually not sure how my relationship with my father has anything to do with the sexualization of young girls, but I'm sure the crack-pot Freud would have something to say about that.
Secondly, my relationship with my mom. I guess Freud would say something about that too. I love my mom because she was always there during my childhood. However, one summer things changed and I had to grow up really fast and I think I have been struggling to return to being a child and a teenager ever since. Now that I'm in college I can just be an adult, no one is telling me to act my age, whatever age that might be. Anyway, I've spilled a lot out on everyone tonight so I'll stop and talk about that summer some other time. Its way too much for tonight and especially after what I was talking about before. I've been kind of heavy recently, so maybe I'll be funny soon.